So this is something I have never talked about before, but I have anxiety. I struggled with it for a few years, until I actually realized what it was. It started when I was little, and looking back now it all makes sense. I always had a hard time with change, a little change in my day, was enough to make it all seem too overwhelming.
My parents got divorced very soon after I was born, so it has never been weird for me seeing them apart. But soon after they split up, my mom found another man, and because I was very little and had very little contact with my real father at the time, he very quickly became my “Father”. They got married a couple years later. But when I was 17 they told me they were getting a divorce, and my world fell completely apart. I was so close with my stepdad, and I was so afraid that I would loose him because he wasn’t my "real father". My parents also felt that I was an adult and they did not spare me for any of the drama. I sat in the front row to a divorce. I just remember crying for a very long time. And even today it can still make me cry if I think about it. Because I am really afraid of change.
But a couple month after the divorce and everything was slowing down, something horrible happened. My stepfather called me one day in middle of school, and told me that he would come pick me up. When I got in the car he told me, that my mom had had a heart attack. I have always been very afraid of losing my mom, because she has always felt like the only thing I had. Thank god she survived, and she is very well today, but that was just a horrible time. I remember crying everyday, and I started getting real panic attacks.
On top of that I don’t like strangers, don’t know why, but I have always been afraid of strangers. That always made it very hard for me to go out because whenever my friends made me go out, I would get anxious and end up going home. It frustrated my friends a lot, because they never got what I felt.
In 2015 I started seeing a psychologist, and she helped me so much. I don't think I would be where I am now without her help. Now I am able to live my life pretty much anxiety free. I still have anxiety here and there, but it now more than what I have learned to deal with, and I am so grateful, that I've learned how to handle it.
It's not the easiest to write about, and I hope you don't take it the wrong ways. But I wanna start doing these "let's talk" every Sunday, to start some discussions, but also so you can get to know me more, and I can hopefully get to know you.